One must always be prepared. To this end, I am thinking of ways that might buffer me against this economy that seems to be caught in a downward spiral. If I have to rent out Brokeback Manor in the future, it is important that it be marketed correctly. Besides the obvious description of the Grand Manor House, magnificent manicured surrounding acreage, and sweeping panoramic views, I will need to personalize the descriptions to appeal to the potential tenant. Some personalized approaches I might use:
For Mr. Bernard Madoff: a custom trading room devoid of desks, phones, or ticker tapes. In addition, it has a secret door so neither Mrs. Madoff nor their sons will know of its existence.
For Nadya Suleman (Octomom): a sunny nursery large enough for 8 cribs and a public relations/marketing desk.
For Donald Trump: a personal grooming room complete with its own sugar spinning machine for cotton candy comb-over hairdos. For an additional security deposit, he can have all the hardware changed to polished brass and have the house temporarily renamed Trumpback Manor identified with a giant, illuminated “T” on the roof.
For Brad and Angelina: plenty of room for a growing family and a growing staff to deal with that growing family, two nanny rooms for each child.
For George W. Bush: a paneled room complete with a single bookstand suitable for use as the temporary home of the George W. Bush Library.
For Sarah Palin: a view of Russia and beyond with plenty of space for her own slaughter house.
For Leona Helmsley: acres of kennels–oops, too late!
Rihanna and Chris Brown: a love nest outfitted with bolted doors, panic buttons, and first-aid kits in each room.
If any of my blog readers have suggestions for the following personalities, please comment.